What could have been
by Eternally Romantic
Summary: Bits and pieces from a life that could have been. Canon up through S3 CS minus the last five minutes.
1. Chapter 1

_This was my secret santa gift for the MM secret santa back in 2015. This particular scene takes place between the end of S3 and S3 CS. Enjoy!_

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 **Christmas Eve, 1920**

"Darling, Cora told me you were looking for me?" Matthew asked as he stepped into the private sitting room Mary had set up for them. Mary looked up at the sound of his voice, smiling at him gently as she nodded. She was seated at her writing desk, but he couldn't make out what was on the surface from his vantage point by the door.

"What do you think of these?" She held up samples of wallpaper for him to see. He stepped further into the room, closing the door behind him. "I'm quite partial to the cream one."

"That's fine." He nodded, moving to stand at her shoulder. "But the paper we already have is fine as well. I don't see why we need change it so soon."

"Oh, it's not for this room. It's for the one across the hall." She stood, putting them eye to eye. He stared at her in confusion, his eyes flickering between her face and the paper. He saw her smirk slightly at his expression, only adding frustration to his confusion. She was toying with him.

"Are you claiming more rooms for our use?" He sounded unsure, as if there was a piece of information that he was missing.

"Of sorts." She continued to smirk at him and he gave up trying to piece together her cryptic clues.

"What am I missing?" He narrowed his eyes as Mary stepped away from him, reaching for the tea pot and pouring herself a cup.

"Seeing as I re-appropriated the room we used to use as a day nursery, I had to find another didn't I?" She continued to smirk that infuriating smirk, but it softened into a smile at the expression on Matthew's face as the meaning of her words registered.

"Mary… I… You're…" He couldn't help the smile that pulled at his lips, his hand reaching out to take her free one. "You aren't toying with me?"

"No." Her smile was just as wide as his. She set down her cup just in time for Matthew to tug her into his arms, wrapping her in a fierce embrace.

"Oh, Mary." He breathed, pulling away just enough so he could press his lips against hers for a soft kiss. "You're pregnant." His eyes dropped to her stomach, still flat as he rested his palm against it.

"Our little prince should be here sometime next summer." Mary placed her hand over his.

"Next summer." He repeated, still in disbelief. "It could be a girl, you know." He couldn't help but add.

"It's a boy. The next one will be a girl." She replied, tone confident.

"Whatever you say, darling. A baby." He pulled her into another embrace, resting his cheek against her hair as he held her close. "You have made me so happy, my darling. So very, very happy." He murmured, brushing a kiss against her cheek, never letting her out of his arms. Mary didn't say anything, relaxing into his embrace. Matthew didn't need her to say the words to know she was just as happy as he was. He could feel it in the way she returned his embrace.

They were going to have a baby.

They had decided not to say anything, not just yet. To be honest, Mary had decided and Matthew was just too happy to disagree with her. That didn't stop him from spending most of time looking at her all throughout dinner though. It wasn't something completely out of the ordinary for him, he had to admit. She would glance over to see him looking, only to shoot him a glare before darting her eyes back to whomever was speaking.

He could feel another set of eyes staring at him in the brief moments he looked away from Mary. His mother was looking at him with the most peculiar expression. Meeting her eye, he tried to school his features into something resembling puzzlement instead of his overwhelming joy. Mary would never forgive him if he spoiled their news without having to ever utter a word.

So he was glad that it was her actions, and not his, that ended up revealing it all.

It, of course, happened just as Matthew looked away from her. The sound of silver clattering on china caused his eyes to snap back towards her. Mary meanwhile sat stiffly, seeming to hold her breath as portions of their dinner were splattered across the footman's livery. "I apologize, Alfred." Mary said tonelessly.

"Is everything alright, Mary?" Robert asked, his face the picture of fatherly concern.

"Yes, I just felt a momentary wave of illness. It's passed now." Matthew watched as she took shallow breaths as Carson attempted to clean up the dropped portion of meal on the tablecloth. "It made me clumsy."

"But you're alright?" Robert reiterated, before Matthew could jump in and ask himself. Mary just nodded, finally breathing as Carson stepped away with the last of the mess.

"Fine, Papa." Matthew could see that she forced herself to smile. Even so, he could see how pale she had gotten and remained to be, how she was breathing through her mouth and not her nose.

"Perhaps you should rest." Cora suggested. Isobel was quick to chime in with her agreement. Matthew expected Mary to refuse so he was surprised when she nodded and stood. He jumped from his chair and hurried to her side to escort her out. As soon as they were clear of the room, Mary turned to face him, pressing her forehead to his shoulder as she took several deep breaths. He smoothed his hands up and down her back, giving her the time she needed to compose herself.

"Are you truly alright? Should I call Dr. Clarkson?" He said quietly as Mary raised her head from his shoulder.

"I just want to lie down." It wasn't an answer to his question, but Matthew wasn't in the mood to fight her on it, not when she was so obviously still ill. Taking her hand in his own, he settled the other on the small of her back as he guided her to their room and into the care of Anna who was waiting within. It took a few moments for Mary to hand Anna her gown and then let down her hair before she was sliding into bed.

"Do you want me to bring you anything?" He asked, taking a seat on the bed near her hip, his hand reaching for her own that rested above the bedclothes.

"Don't stay for drinks." She murmured, peering at him through half-lidded eyes, already on the verge of sleep.

"I'll finish dinner and be straight back up." He agreed easily, pressing a kiss to her forehead before standing to return to the meal. It was an easy request to fulfill; it wasn't as if he had been planning on joining Robert for drinks anyway, not with Mary as she was. "Just rest." He murmured as he stopped by the door for one last look at his wife. It was no use though, she was already asleep.

"I'm sorry I can't stay. But I'll see you tomorrow for Christmas." Matthew said as farewell to his mother. Dinner had just finished and the whole family seemed to sense his need to return to Mary, but he didn't want to miss saying goodbye to her.

"I anticipate it will be a very joyous night." Isobel replied, smiling knowingly. They were locked in a stare and it took Matthew a moment to work out what she was implying, but when he did, he could feel his cheek warm slightly as he blushed.

"Yes, well, that will be up to Mary to announce."

"If she still feels ill in the morning, dry toast should help." Isobel squeezed his arm, smiling widely. "I can't tell you how happy I am for you."

"I'm still in shock about it all, truthfully." Matthew admitted. "But I should go see her."

"Yes, yes, go." Isobel shooed him. "I'll see you both tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Mother." He pressed a kiss to her cheek, bidding the rest of the family goodnight as he hurried to rejoin Mary.

As he reached their bedroom door, he was tempted to join her straight away. He could see a faint light shining from within and hoped that she was awake after her brief rest, but he knew that Mary would frown at him wrinkling his clothing if he joined her still dressed as he was. So he forced himself to detour to his dressing room to change, leaving everything for Molesley to sort out later.

Mary was still asleep when he finally joined her. She had changed since he saw her last, and her hair was properly tied back for bed as opposed to loose as she had it before. There was a full tray abandoned on his side of the bed so he assumed Anna had tried to get Mary to eat something, but was unsuccessful.

Lifting the tray to set aside, he winced as the plates rattled at the movement. Mary stirred at the noise, her hand reaching out to the spot where the tray had been. "Matthew?" Her voice was gravely with sleep.

"I'm sorry." He apologized, setting down the tray and then reaching for the light. "Let's go to sleep."

"Mmm." Mary hummed as he finally joined her, shifting so her head settled on his chest.

"My mother knows." He whispered into the darkness, hoping that she was asleep so that he wouldn't be forced to deal with her ire that their secret was out.

"I assumed she would figure it out." Came her sleepy reply. "The nausea was ill-timed and I'm afraid I couldn't disguise it well. No doubt Sybil would have put it together as well."

"She was so happy. I can just imagine how Cora and Robert will react."

"I should think it will make for a perfect Christmas gift."

"So we are telling them tomorrow?"

"I think our little prince demands it after his performance tonight."

"I hope you know how truly happy you have made me, my darling. Happy Christmas." Matthew pressed a kiss to her hair, wrapping his arm around her and pressing her closer to his side.

"Happy Christmas." Her soft reply came just as she resettled against him. He felt her breathing even out as she dropped back off to sleep.

As Mary slept beside him, Matthew was too excited to even close his eyes. Instead, he gazed out the partially opened drapes to see the first flurries of snow begin to fall. He couldn't help but be reminded of the last time it snowed at Downton, and the happiness he felt then.

At the same time last year, he had been alone and Mary engaged to another man. Now they were married and she was pregnant with their child. He never knew he could feel such happiness after all that had happened, but he was glad to be wrong.

1920 had been good to him. He couldn't wait to see what 1921 would bring.


	2. Chapter 2

_This was a secret santa gift from two or three years ago. Just bits of a life that could have been if we ignore the last five minutes of S3 CS. Enjoy!_

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 **1921 - 3 months old**

"Thank you, Nanny." Matthew smiled at the girl as she helped place George in his arms. "Enjoy your Christmas lunch." He dismissed her and she hurried off to the servant's hall. George blinked up at him, smiling at the site of his Papa.

"Let's go see if Mama is ready." He murmured to his son, pressing a kiss to his forehead before leaving the nursery and heading back to his bedroom. Technically, they were supposed to already be downstairs with the family, but Matthew had learned the hard way what happened when he tried to rush his wife. With this being George's first Christmas, he wasn't in the mood to fight. Reaching the door, he knocked and only waited briefly for her beckon before pushing open the door.

"George is all ready for his first Christmas." Mary met his eye through the mirror as Anna placed the last pins in her hair.

"He isn't going to remember today." Mary repeated the argument she had been making for the past few days, but she was smiling. Matthew just rolled his eyes.

"But we will." He looked down at his son in his arms as Mary dismissed Anna and crossed the room to join them. "Ready, my darling?" He pressed his lips to her cheek as she pressed close to his side to look down at George. He felt rather than saw Mary's nod.

"Happy Christmas, Mary." Matthew used their closeness to press another kiss to her cheek. "You have no idea how happy you have made me." The last part came out softly. Mary looked up at him at that, smiling, but said nothing in response. He had long since gotten used to her lack of response to his declarations, realizing that Mary spoke more through looks and actions than actual words. So when she kissed him, it was all the response he needed.

 **1922 - 1 year and 3 months old**

Mary sighed as she set the phone back down in its cradle. Ever since Charles Blake had appeared in their lives, she had been trying her hardest to dissuade him. It had been Matthew who noticed Blake's attentions towards her. Initially, she had just been happy that someone took her position as seriously as they took Matthew's or Tom's, so she had missed all the flirtatious overtures he made. Matthew hadn't though.

Her eyes sought out Matthew's from her spot in the doorway, but came up empty. He wasn't seated on the couch as he had been when she left to take the call and her heart clenched slightly in her chest.

"Choo! Choo!" George shrieked and drew Mary's eyes towards the corner of the library that had been set up for him to use. Blankets and toys had been set up to entertain him as the family enjoyed their traditional servant free lunch, but now Matthew had joined him, sitting on the ground beside their son in his suit, rolling the new toy train George had received from his grandfather only minutes ago. The momentary panic that had laced her chest dissipated at the sight.

Instead of returning to the couch with the rest of the family, Mary moved to join them on the floor, lifting the hem of her dress as she knelt on the floor opposite Matthew. He met her eye as she settled across from him, smiling and Mary felt herself smile in response.

"Mama!" George took a few steps towards her and she instinctively reached her arms to catch him as he crashed into her in excitement.

"Are you having a good Christmas?" Mary asked, and while it was technically directed at the boy in her arms, she knew Matthew understood it was for him.

"We are, aren't we George?" Matthew reached out to tickle the boy who shrieked at the sensation and squirmed against Mary in response. "It's even better now that Mama is here with us instead of in the hall on the phone." He stared at her as he spoke. She knew it wouldn't be the last she heard about Blake's behavior, but it was a truce. For now. "We love Mama, right George?"

"Yes!" George clapped his hands, but Mary was more concerned with Matthew at the moment.

"Happy Christmas." Matthew smiled as he spoke, leaning towards her to kiss her in total disregard for propriety. For once, Mary didn't care as she returned his kiss with one her own.

 **1923 - 2 years and 3 months old**

"We've brought you some punch." Matthew spoke softly, setting George down at the foot of the bed before sitting down himself. Mary pushed herself up so she was resting against the headboard of the bed, reaching for the glass Matthew held out for her. George seemed more preoccupied with his new toy, no doubt from his grandfather, while Matthew shed his jacket to get more comfortable.

"How are you doing, my darling?" Matthew asked while running his hand over her rounded stomach, his thumb rubbing gentle circles into her skin through her nightgown. "Everyone downstairs says hello." She was due at any time and hadn't even gotten out of bed, spending Christmas resting rather than celebrating.

"I wish I could join you downstairs." Mary sighed.

"You're pregnant, Mary. All I want is for you and the baby to be safe and comfortable." It had been as much of a fight this time as it had been when she was at this stage with George. Then, she hadn't listened and it almost cost her. Now, she was doing as Matthew wanted and resting, as much as it annoyed her. "Besides, I would much rather be here with you." He pressed a kiss to her cheek as he continued to stroke her stomach and she sighed again.

"Keep doing that. It seems to soothe the baby. She's been kicking me all morning." Matthew shifted closer, gently tugging Mary to lean on his shoulder as he continued to run his hand over her stomach.

"It could be a boy, you know." Matthew repeated the retort that he used whenever she called the baby a girl.

"Its a girl." Mary insisted and closing her eyes now that the baby seemed to finally be calming down. They sat quietly for sometime, Matthew letting Mary rest as he watched George play.

"We'll let you sleep." Matthew whispered, as he noticed her begin to doze on his shoulder. She mumbled something unintelligible in response, but moved willingly as Matthew shifted her to rest against the pillows. George was still playing at the foot of the bed, so Matthew scooped him up in his arms as he prepared to stand.

"Happy Christmas, Mary." He pressed a kiss to her forehead and before Matthew could move to stop him, George copied him, pressing a kiss to Mary's forehead.

"Night, Mama." George whispered, allowing Matthew to lift him from the bed.

"Let's go see what your grandparents have been up to since we left." Matthew spoke to George as he left their bedroom, but George was already back to playing with his toy, causing Matthew to smile. Technically, today wasn't even over yet, but Matthew was already looking forward to next year when he would have two children in his arms as he carried them to Christmas lunch. No doubt it would be exhausting, but it would be entirely worth it.


End file.
